For the past few Fridays my husband and I have been treating ourselves to a well-deserved ice cream. Around 5pm we stroll down Cambie Street to Rain or Shine to get a pre-dinner cone. I usually carry our seven month old son in the front pack carrier (he refuses to walk).
We’re new parents. We’re hardly sleeping. We’re struggling to “look alive” most days. If we want a pre-dinner cone, we should be allowed to have a pre-dinner cone.
Last Friday, I sidled up to the counter to have a few samples of Rain or Shine’s delicious, homemade ice creams (Honey Lavender, London Fog, Chocolate, Salted Caramel, Coconut Chocolate Chunk, Peanut Butter, Vanilla, Cracked Mint, Coffee Toffee, Blueberry Balsamic, Pumpkin Pie, Bourbon Pecan Pie, Cheddar Apple Pie, Nanaimo Bar, Smores!), and then finally settled on Malted Chocolate Honey Comb. My husband ordered the Triple Chocolate Moose Pie, and then paid for our two cones. As we made our way to the door, I noticed a few pointed looks from the other customers.
At first I thought it was because my husband and I were way, way better looking than anyone else in the store.
I’ll be honest – this happens a lot. It’s really hard when you’re way, way better looking than most people; way, way smarter than most people; way, way funnier than most people; have a really, really magnetic personality; plus have the finest jewels, furs, cars, homes, private jets, etc. Some* of you might know what I’m talking about.
Plus, our baby is really cute, which really gets people’s blood boiling. They look at their own baby (homely) and then our baby (super cute), and they become green with envy**.
I soon realized that these looks weren’t looks of insane jealousy that I frequently get (because of the good looks, smarts, funnies, personality, jewels, furs, cars, homes, jets, cute baby, etc.). These were looks of outrage. These were looks that said: “How can those two people eat ice cream in front of (and in my case – because I was carrying him – above) their baby?”
I’ll be honest, I was outraged. My husband had to pull me away from the ice cream shop because I was about to give them a piece of my mind (or worse). I mean, even though they didn’t actually say or do anything, their sharp looks said enough.
Here’s what I would have said:
Excuse me! Who the hell are you? [Pause for their name.] Well, [name], how dare you imply with your furtive glance that we are bad parents for eating ice cream in front of, and/or above our baby! First of all, he’s a baby, he doesn’t know what’s going on! Secondly, he doesn’t even know what ice cream is! Thirdly, according to Health Canada he can’t eat ice cream anyway! We might as well be eating broccoli! Would you like us to stop eating broccoli as well? Would that make you feel better? Fourthly, it’s been a long week, and this is a well-deserved pre-dinner cone that I’m eating above my child’s head, and yes, I’m dripping Malted Chocolate Honey Comb ice cream and waffle cone crumbs onto his head, but that is neither here nor there. Why don’t you just eat your cone and mind your business! What flavor did you get anyway? [Pause to find out which flavor they chose.] It’s good, isn’t it?
Thinking back, it could have also been because I insisted on sampling every single flavor, and there was a really long line, and when people tried to order before me, I slapped them.
* Not all.
** This can also be a reaction to wearing copper jewelry, due to a chemical reaction.