So I apologize… A lot.
I’m also a woman.
So I feel like I need to apologize a lot for that too.
I forget to text my friends back.
I bump into people.
People bump into me.
My kid gets sick so we have to cancel plans sometimes.
My stomach makes very loud noises that sound like a long, dry fart (but are definitely NOT farts) in meetings right after lunch.
And whenever I say no to something I can’t (or don’t want to) do, that’s my fault too.
I feel like I’m always saying sorry.
I know people that apologize more than I do (they know who they are), but I recently noticed that I apologize way too much.
And I tend to apologize to people that don’t really deserve my apologies… You know: jerks, jocks, people that work in “sales”.
You know what?
THERE WILL BE NO MORE APOLOGIES!*
THERE WILL BE NO MORE SORRIES!**
And you can stuff your own sorries in a sack.
I WILL NEVER SAY THE WORD SORRY (OR ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING AN APOLOGY) EVER AGAIN!***
I might write it out, but I’m definitely not saying it.
I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I DID ANYTHING WRONG EVER AGAIN!****
Why should I acknowledge doing anything wrong when I never do anything wrong? I’m not saying that I’m perfect, but I pretty much am.
I WILL NEVER ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS!*****
Because guess what? I’m not sorry, and I never will be.******
I know I’m funny, but I’m not kidding.
#NoRegrets #NoRemorse #NoApologies
* Unless they are warranted.
** Unless I really, really mean it.
*** Unless the person I’m apologizing to only speaks English, and “lo siento” is not understood.
**** Unless I did something wrong and then I would definitely acknowledge it.
***** Unless, of course, I need to accept responsibility for my actions.
****** Unless I am.
I see that you’ve read all the way to the end. That makes you my new best friend. Please let me know ASAP so that I can let my previous best friend know they have been demoted (they never read all the way to the end).