A lot of people (at least one*) have asked me how I became such a successful woman.
(I think it’s very important to note that success means different things to different people. To some, it might mean: “the accomplishment of one’s goals“. To others (that own a dictionary) it might mean: “the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.” And still, to others it might mean: “a performance or achievement that is marked by success“. In the broadest terms, I think “success” means that you’ve convinced everyone that you’re a baller, and you have a hot car (Toyota Prius, or similar), and whenever you need to pay for something you pull out your Michigan bankroll).
If one person is asking how I became such a successful woman, I am sure there are literally thousands more that aren’t asking (but definitely want to ask) how I became such a successful woman, and what they can do to become similarly successful. They’re probably looking for some advice, but they don’t want to bother me because I’m so busy and so successful.
Lucky for everyone, I am quite the philanthropist/humanitarian/altruist/do-gooder… Because I am always giving, and bestowing, and bequeathing, and endowing. (People have actually said these words to** me: Gracious, kind, compassionate, forgiving, selfless, noble.)
So, here it is… Kimberly Manky’s magnanimous advice*** for becoming a success:
- Walk quickly.
- Always have a serious look on your face.
- Get a pair of glasses. Don’t put them on. Carry them around in your pocket until asked a question, then rest the left stem on your bottom lip with forethought.
- A. H. A. P. O. P. W. Y.**** (Always have a piece of paper with you. It’s good if there are lots of handwritten scrawls, like you’ve been taking lots of notes, but a printed piece of paper also works.)
- G. A. B. (Get a blazer.)
- After every 20 minutes spent looking at a screen, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds (to prevent eye strain).
- Sleep with someone powerful and/or wealthy. (Once you’ve earned their trust, learn everything about them. Find out about their family and friends, and where they live. Find out their favourite foods, books, and movies. Read their texts, emails, and grocery lists. Earn their trust. Make them fall hopelessly in love with you. Then, once they are completely enamoured with you, turn the tables and threaten to reveal their dark secret to the world if they don’t do exactly what you want – i.e. cast you in a movie, fund your start-up, marry you, etc.).
* Yes, they thought I was actress, producer, and former model Rene Russo. And yes, they were drunk.
** To me; not about me.
*** If there is one thing that I’ve learned it’s that people love getting advice – especially unsolicited advice. So give it freely, whenever you have the chance, especially to new mothers. They love that.
**** I like using acronyms because it’s easier to remember.