The Judgement

If you’re like me, you silently judge: people who litter, people who ride motorcycles, people with too much eye make-up, people who go to strip clubs, people who use curse words as adjectives, people who wear provocative clothing, people who drive SUVs, people who tell jokes that aren’t funny, people who play acoustic guitar, people who can wear skinny jeans, people who hunt and kill animals, people who own expensive purses, people who buy suggestive magazines, people who try too hard, people who don’t try at all, people who take expensive vacations and don’t send postcards, people who get pregnant in their teens, people who wear sunglasses inside, people who gossip, people who don’t gossip and act self-superior about it, people with tattoos, people who have body odour, people who pledge fraternities, people who fly business class, people with holes in their socks, people who talk about their stock portfolio, people who floss their teeth while driving, people who read self-help books, people who have their own libraries, and people who pay to swim with dolphins. The list goes on.

If you say you’re not like me, you’re lying. You’re exactly like me, except with a different first and last name, and maybe a better metabolic and digestive system.

We all pass judgement. We all form an opinion of certain traits or activities that we may find uncivilized, impolite, or annoying.

And upon meeting someone for the first time, you hesitantly extend your right hand and give a half-smile. You’re not sure if you should even form the words to speak to this person. Within seconds you’ve likely sized up their height, weight, age, marital status, their household income, and maybe even their inseam.

You may not have intended to, but you did. You think you’re not that sort of person? You are exactly that sort of person!

You even judge strangers! You think that if someone comes into eyeshot, they are fair game. And you would be right. If they have dared to step within your field of vision, they are essentially consenting to an evaluation of their overall being.

It’s called “constructive criticism” when done right; when done with tact and subtlety. It can be successfully achieved with an eye roll, a head tilt, a nudge to a friend’s arm, a gasp, a guffaw, or a hand to the cheek in feign horror.

Did they not consult with a mirror before leaving the house? OMG!

After all, you are refined. You are educated. You received a Dogwood diploma. You are cultured. You watch foreign films. You recycle. You have RRSPs. You are elegant. You eat with a knife and fork and drape a napkin gently over your lap. You are definitely not like them.

Ugh.

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