The Sins

Just so we are all clear I thought I would take the time to remind you of the seven sins that will send you straight to H-E-double hockey sticks (HELL). They are called the seven “deadly” sins, and are therefore considered deadly! Let us go over them, shall we?

WRATH: If you are really mad at someone and want to hurt him or her, that’s Wrath. As an example, let’s say the person who lives below you enjoys listening to Reggae music really loudly. And let’s just say that you’ve asked them nicely to turn the volume down on several occasions. And let’s just say you suffer from migraines brought on by certain rhythmic bass patterns. And let’s say that you have written several notes and you’ve spoken with the landlord, and this person continues to play their Reggae music at an unreasonable level. And let’s just say that someone purposefully flooded their own bathtub so that the downstairs apartment would be inhabitable. That might be considered Wrath.

GREED: When you don’t share your French fries, even if the person who is asking for one meagre French fry is really hungry, and they feel like they might even pass out if they don’t eat something (like a French fry) very soon. Like maybe a single French fry. And you don’t even answer, and you just shake your head, “no”. That is Greed.

SLOTH: If you know someone who is unemployed and sits at home all day in their jogging pants, playing video games, eating frozen Eggos®, and smoking reefer, that’s Sloth. It’s like laziness, with attitude.

PRIDE: This one is apparently the worst of the worst. When you see a group of female and male lions together in one place; that is the very definition of Pride.

LUST: If when you meet a member of the opposite sex and find it difficult to carry on a conversation (because all you’re thinking about is licking their face) and you can’t stop looking at their muscular, manly arms, and you feel intoxicated by the smell of their cologne, and you have the urge to pinch their bottom, that’s Lust.

ENVY: Maybe you don’t understand why people don’t like you. It’s probably just Envy. They are probably jealous that you have such a nice personality, a nice husband, a nice apartment with a view of the opposing apartment, several hundred dollars in the bank, and the body of someone who has not yet birthed a child. Yep, that’s Envy all right.

GLUTTONY: If you’ve ever had to unbutton your pants after Thanksgiving dinner, that’s Gluttony. It is overindulgence and just being generally wasteful with food, drink, and the like. Mind you, if you don’t eat the rest of the pumpkin pie and whipping cream, it will just go to waste and we can’t have that.

Avoiding these seven deadly sins will likely save you from eternal damnation.

So, yeah, you’re welcome.


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