The Walk

Some people don’t like to walk. They will make any excuse not to walk. They will say things like “I’m wearing high heels” or “I have bunions” just to get out of moderate exercise. If they have to run errands, they will run them in a car rather than on foot. They are the type of people that you have to give money to in order to get them to walk.

They will say that they are walking for a particular cause. They will say you must give them a donation in order for them to walk the five kilometres. They will say your co-worker Bonnie already gave them $50. They will say that there is a minimum donation in order to get an income tax receipt. They will say that your donation is 100% tax deductible. Then they will say, “Come on, it’s for charity” and give you a dirty look.

These are the type of people who wear sweat suits, but never sweat. They wear runners, but never run. They wear sports bras, but never play sports. They claim they are “training” for the walk.

First of all, how can they train to walk? We all know how to walk. Some of us have been doing it for years. Horses do it within minutes of being born. So, if they are walking every day, they are not training: they are just advancing by steps, on foot.

Second of all, they act like walking five kilometres is even a big deal. You wear a pedometer and you know that five kilometres is less than you walk every single day. And is anyone paying you to walk under the guise of a charitable cause?

Third of all, this person is assuming that you support the work of their charity. They are also assuming that you are not heavily involved with another charitable cause, and give your time and money generously. Even if they are right, it doesn’t matter. It’s rude for them to assume.

Fourth of all, you are also going to sign up to walk for that charity. And you are probably going to walk at least ten kilometres for that charity. And you’re probably even going to hit up Bonnie for another donation. And you’re probably not even going to have to train because you “train” every day. And when anyone asks you for a donation, you’re going to say: “I’m walking for a cause”.

You should probably stay toward the back of the group to make sure all the “walkers” actually complete the walk. Remember: these are the type of people who act like walking is a big deal, so they might actually have a car waiting somewhere on the route. You should probably stay behind them and then as you near the end, sprint to the finish line. And you might want to give a friendly wave as you pass them.

After all, it’s for charity!


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