The Hoax

People talk, talk, and talk about global warming. They say it has caused an increase in the earth’s temperature as if that’s a problem. I say, why wear a sweater when you can wear a sundress?

There is proof in the existence of greenhouse gases, I’ll grant you that. There is proof that these gases exist in our atmosphere, but how can you really prove that it is caused by human activity?

They say global warming is caused by fossil fuels and deforestation. They say that the glaciers are retreating, the permafrost is warming, and the sea ice is melting. They say that the effect of global warming causes an increase in the frequency and intensity of extreme weather.

They also say that since the Industrial Revolution humans have been pumping massive quantities of carbon dioxide, nitrous oxide, methane and fossil fuels into the atmosphere. They say that these greenhouse gases form a barrier that prevents the sun’s rays from escaping our atmosphere, and that the earth then heats up. They even have a name for it: the “Greenhouse effect”.

For argument’s sake, let’s say that global warming really does exist. Let’s say that the increase in the earth’s temperature really is causing problems and that the absorption and emission of infrared radiation is actually harmful to our bodies and to our earth.

Let’s just say that these gases are causing the glaciers to retreat, the permafrost to warm, and the sea ice to melt, causing our sea levels to rise. And for the sake of argument, the increase in the sea level would cause low-lying areas located along the coast to flood, causing those communities to be displaced.

And for shits and giggles, we could say that the increase in the earth’s temperature has also caused an increase in the frequency and intensity of extreme weather, and that the intense tropical storms, heavier rainfalls, flooding, heat waves, and the like, are caused by climate change and its impact on long standing weather patterns.

Some people say we need to prevent deforestation. They say that the rainforests of the Amazon, the Congo basin, and Indonesia are the “lungs of the planet” (one of them is Daniel Howden), because they absorb the carbon dioxide that humans pump into the atmosphere. They also say we should use recycled toilet paper.

Those crazy environmentalists: They are so smug, with their heavy sweaters and their flat and lifeless hair (from not using aerosol hairspray). You always see them around. They’re always holding up banners, and trying to get you to sign their petitions.

They’ll try and tell you that we should reduce, reuse, and recycle; that we should drive less; that we should plant trees, and conserve water, energy, and electricity. They’ll try and tell you that by taking active steps we can reduce global warming.

Now, come on!

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