The Barf Bag Ripper

I love airports. I love checking in, dropping my bags, going through security, taking off my belt and shoes, and getting a pat down. I love going to the Duty Free, sampling alcohol in the Duty Free, trying on sunglasses in the Duty Free, and leaving the Duty Free with a bit of a buzz. I love sitting in a restaurant overlooking the runway, watching planes take off with a large glass of Pinot Grigio in my hand excited about what awaits us. I love airports.

I also love planes. I love boarding, I love finding my seat, I love stowing my carry-on in the overhead bins and I love buckling my seat belt. I love the airport safety instructions. I love watching the air stewards’ face when they pretend to inflate the life vest.  I love the cartoon drawings on the safety card. I love the Captain’s greeting. I love taking off and trying to find your house or neighbourhood down below. I love that people look like ants from 1,000 feet. I love planes.

I love the little meals that you get on long-haul flights. I love that everything is compartmentalized and that the chicken doesn’t touch the rice and the salad dressing is in a little packet. I love little pots of chocolate pudding. I love that wine is served with meals on British Airways. I love little meals.

I love getting up and walking around on planes. I love not getting blood clots or varicose veins from being sedentary. I love stretching in the plane’s galley while chatting to those around me. I love asking strangers about where they are going, how long they will be gone, and whether they set the alarm on their house or apartment. I love getting up and walking around planes.

I love the in-flight entertainment. I like watching television on a six-inch screen wearing headphones that make my ears sweaty. I love nodding at other people who have chosen to watch the same movie. I like cracking open my wee little can of ginger ale, chugging it back while watching a rom-com, and the feeling of it coming out of my nose when I laugh too hard (Sandra Bullock’s fault!). I love in-flight entertainment!

I love the little pocket on the seatback. I love that you can put all your magazines, water bottles, hand-held game consoles, empty crisp packets, gum wrappers, scissors, used tissues, and uneaten rice in there. I also love that they put little barf bags in there in case you feel unwell. I used to think having the barf bag in there was a waste of space until my friend Guadalupe told me that she had to use it. In fact, Guadalupe barfed so hard the bag ripped (too many pre-flight quesadillas). We nicknamed her Barf Bag Ripper. I love the little pocket on the seatback! It’s so useful!!!

I love when the plane lands (on purpose), and on the runway. I love arriving in a new city. I love when the pilot announces the local time and weather. I love the mad rush for the exit when the seat belt sign turns off. I love when the stewards say good-bye and have a nice day. I feel like they really mean it. I love going through customs, picking up my bag from the carousel, and setting foot on foreign soil. I love when the plane lands!

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