The Impersonator (or, the Sexy Corrupt Cop)

So this morning I’m driving my husband to work and we’re stopped at a red light and we look over and some d-bag is texting on his phone. We both immediately get enraged – because texting while driving is something that enrages both of us equally.

I wave my finger at the d-bag, but he doesn’t see – because he’s too busy texting. We watch him roll forward – with his eyes on the phone and not on the road. My husband says he hopes the d-bag has a little fender-bender – where no one gets hurt, of course (unless it’s the d-bag and he breaks all his fingers) – and we’re able to both tell the police officer attending to the scene what this little spiky-haired d-bag was up to when the accident occurred.

I tell my husband I wish I had a badge so I could flash it at the d-bag and scare him (although I’m pretty sure the possibility of a $76 fine for texting while driving doesn’t scare anybody, and that’s why they still do it). My husband reminds me that I’m not a police officer, and also reminds me that impersonating a police officer in the state of California is a federal offense. When the light turns green, I honk at the guy and wave my finger at him again, but he’s too busy texting and driving to notice.

My husband has had to remind me that impersonating a police officer is a federal offense several times.

The truth is that I want to fight injustice and criminal activity where and when I can (I’m like a superhero, without the spandex, cape and long, flowy hair – I prefer it cut short), but I really do not want to be a police officer… like, as a career.

To be a police officer you have to be physically fit (I don’t look good with muscles), you need to have taken some courses in criminal justice or a related discipline (I studied creative writing), you have to attend the police academy and pass exams (I always choke under pressure), you have to wear that outfit (I look better in salmon, or like a light pink), and you have to carry a gun (I have very bad hand-eye coordination).

Also, I have no desire to be a police officer.

Impersonating a police officer is a very bad instinct to have, and I am very grateful to my husband for continually reminding me that it is a federal offence (punishable by imprisonment of up to five years, a $1000 fine, and a permanent criminal record) because frankly, I’m too delicate for prison.

But, this has all left me wondering… Halloween is right around the corner, and Sears is selling a pretty sweet “Dreamgirl Corrupt Cop Adult Womens Sexy Police Officer Halloween Costume“.

This is the description:

Corrupt Cop sexy police costume includes snap front dress with attached vinyl corset and collar. This sexy womens cop costume also includes a police hat, faux razor necklace, belt and handcuffs. (Best part…) The included police Evidence Bag contains a faux needle and mini plastic bag.

Corrupt Cop Sexy Police Officer Costume

What if I want to dress up as a sexy police woman and carry a baton and handcuffs? Is that punishable by law*?

*I need to know before Sears sells out. 


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