The Period.

I’m not talking about that thing at the end of the sentence. (that, just there)

I’m not talking about an interval of time… like the period of time it took to read this sentence… (like, just then).

Or, when Picasso painted everything blue.

I’m not talking about the table on which elements are organized by their atomic numbers, electron configurations, and recurring chemical properties (periodic).

I’m also not talking about when your mom says, “You’re not going to see Jaws 3D, Period!”

I am talking about the gift that comes once a month to remind us all that we’re women (because apparently, looking down at our breasts and vagina wasn’t enough…)

We all have different terms for menstruation. Some people lovingly refer to it as Aunt Flo coming to visit. Other people are more creative with it: Surfing the Crimson Tide, On the Rag, Riding the Cotton Pony, Flying the Flag of Japan, Having the Painters In, Miss Scarlett in the Billiard Room with the lead pipe…

Me? I prefer the term Shark Week.

Whatever you want to call it… it’s the discharge of blood and mucosal tissue from the uterus and vagina… and it is no walk in the park, or cakewalk… (or any kind of walk that’s really easy).

I guess I shouldn’t complain. Our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers (and great-great grandmothers) had to use cloth (reusable) pads to collect menstrual blood.

And you did not want to have Aunt Flo coming to visit in biblical times. Check out Leviticus 15:19-23:

When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening. Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. Anyone who touches her bed will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. Anyone who touches anything she sits on will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. 

(I’m really glad that we don’t live in biblical times, and not just because my feet look bad in gladiator sandals, I’m allergic to dust, and I don’t like wandering in the desert.)

At least you’re not banished from your home for seven days to avoid making anything you touch unclean (unless you are, and then I’d consider a new living arrangement).

So, things could be worse, right?

The year is 2013 and we have made huge technological advancements in absorbent items worn by women while menstruating.  

We are lucky enough to have Always Infinity ultrathin with wings and dryweave! It’s never been easier to surf the crimson tide.

I mean, yes – it’s still essentially just a cotton napkin, towel attached to your underwear or shoved up your vulva.

Okay, actually (now that I think about it)… I think we have a lot more work to do in this area.

I think women could really be running the world if we didn’t have to deal with Shark Week once a month (I’m talking about the weeklong series of television programs on Discovery channel AND the discharge of blood and mucosal tissue from the uterus and vagina).

I urge you to email your Senators and representatives and ask them what they’re doing about absorbent items worn by women while menstruating.

Forget climate change, guns, war, etc. We need to come up with a new plan for menstruation.

YES WE CAN.

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