The Beard

My name is Kimberly Manky, and I am pogonophiliac.

Before you start worrying and tell me to take an iron supplement*… I should tell you that a pogonophiliac is someone who is fond of beards. That’s me.

I love beards.

Just so we’re clear… I don’t mean the people (male or female) who are used to conceal someone else’s sexual orientation, by pretending to be a romantic partner… (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

I mean the hair that grows on the face of men.

There is something very manly/macho about hair on the face of men. I’m not the only one who thinks so…

According to a study in the Official Journal of the Human Behavior and Evolution Society, women dig beards. Women were shown photos of men with shaven faces, light stubble, heavy stubble, and full beards, and were then asked to rate the men’s attractiveness, health, masculinity, and parenting abilities based on the photos. And I quote: “Masculinity ratings increased linearly as facial hair increased.”

To summarize… the bigger the beard, the more women want the bearded one to be their baby daddy.

To summarize more succinctly (and in French), women like their men aver pools du visage.

Maybe it’s because it’s clear that the men are in fact, men (not boys)? Maybe it’s because it makes a man look smart, like a professor? Maybe it’s because it makes a man look like (“Honest”) Abe Lincoln? Maybe it’s because it covers those butt chins (the chin dimples that look like little butts)? Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that women prefer men who look like their dads?

Ew.

What?

No, really.

According to the Durham University study Women Prefer Men Who Look Like Dad, I was predisposed to like beards. The study found that women who had good relationships with their fathers were attracted to men who resembled their fathers, because human brains build an ideal face based on those with whom we have had a positive relationship. This includes facial features and facial hair…

I am going to go with the Abe Lincoln thing.

***

* And, I am taking an iron supplement. Get off my back.

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2 thoughts on “The Beard

  1. K. Bannerman says:

    I like beards, but neat beards – something that shows dedication and artistry, plus a hint of ruggedness. I want a beard that says, ‘I’m going outside to wrestle a wolverine before chopping down a tree, and afterward, I’ll make us some risotto’. I’ve never been as fond of bushy, Grizzly Adams-style beards that can be grasped with two hands. For me, it’s all things in moderation… including facial hair.

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