I don’t believe in “love at first sight”.
You might think I’m not a romantic. I am. Big time. I like champagne and roses and tonsil hockey and being whisked away to Santa Babs for a long weekend. Of course I do… WHO WOULDN’T?
I believe in LOVE. Big time! I just don’t believe that it can happen at first sight.
I believe that you can be attracted to someone at first sight… You can think that person is really good-looking at first sight… You might want to grab their bum or stick your tongue down their throat, or even get to know them better… at first sight. But trust me, it’s not “love” (if anything, it’s probably high quality lust*).
Love does not enter into the equation at first sight.
Love is much bigger than “like” or “affection” or “fondness” or “I’d do anything to bone them” (including get married)…
Love is kissing them goodnight when they are sick and their nose is running, even though you know that it means that you will definitely get sick… Love is folding all the laundry the way they like it to be folded, even though it’s not your preferred method… Love is cooking a steak for them, even when you’re a vegetarian and you hate handling meat… Love is listening intently when they’re reading an excerpt aloud from the New Yorker, again… Love is building the IKEA furniture as soon as you get it home from IKEA because you know that they can’t wait until tomorrow… Love is watching The Real Housewives of Orange County even though the Stanley Cup playoffs are on… Love is not getting upset when you were supposed to be somewhere at 7pm and it’s 7:15pm and they are still deciding on an appropriate outfit… Love is brushing their disgusting mouthguard when they’ve cut their thumb on a serrated knife and don’t have the dexterity or wherewithal… Love is letting them have the rest of the sweet potato tots…
It takes a very long time for love like that to develop.
Love like that only happens after ten years.
The first ten years are more of a “getting to know you” phase… You like the person, you feel high quality lust* for the person, you want to be with the person, you are with the person more frequently, they don’t annoy you, they slightly annoy you, you get over it, you like them anyway, you commit to the person, you become more intimate with the person, you start to say “we” instead of “me”, you become more vulnerable with the person, you tell them your secrets, you spend every waking moment with the person and you still like them (a lot), you miss them when they’re not around, you realize that their happiness means more to you than your own…
And then, after all that… it’s love.
Happy 10-year Anniversary Lloydster.
*There’s lust and then there is high quality lust. Which would you rather have?