The Tape

This is embarrassing.

A lot of my blogs are embarrassing (usually for me, sometimes for others) but this one gives you a real glimpse into the little weirdo pervert that I was as a teenager (obviously not now… as I’m definitely a mature, fully grown, adult woman).

I love Pearl Jam. That’s no secret. In fact, it’s the furthest thing from a secret. I have all their albums, I have seen them in concert at least a dozen times, I have an assortment of Pearl Jam t-shirts that I wear regularly, my radio is tuned to Pearl Jam radio almost exclusively, and there’s a stipulation in my marriage contract that says if I ever meet Eddie Vedder and we happen to start making-out, the husband can’t get mad.

My love of Pearl Jam goes back to 1992, when my sister was playing “Ten” and I was like, “what?”

I had never heard anything like it… (in fact, all I had heard up to that point was contemporary Christian pop music. It was a very sad life – made sadder by the fact that I thought contemporary Christian pop music was all there was.)

I digress.

I heard “Ten” and I was very taken by the music… the energy, the guitar-heavy rock, the mellifluousness, and of course – that voice… Eddie’s voice. Sigh.

For those of you who don’t know Pearl Jam, Eddie is very “impassioned”. Very impassioned. Very.

Very (very).

Really, very impassioned. Unusually. Wonderfully. Profoundly.

He’s also fairly easy on the eyes:


When Eddie Vedder sings, something happens in my body… Something slightly inappropriate.

When I was about 12 or 13, I took the “Ten” album (on cassette) and I recorded all of the particularly passionate parts of “Ten”… the growly, passionate howls, roars, wails and bellows… onto another cassette.

What can I say? I really (really, really) enjoyed his growls, howls, roars, wails and bellows. Plus, he looked like this:


And he was very impassioned. Very.

Oh, and (obviously) it was also because of all of his charitable work.

On a recent road trip we were listening to Pearl Jam radio and I was singing along, and I started laughing… as I was reminded of my “special tape”. I told my husband about the tape and (strangely) he was not at all surprised.

I don’t know what happened to the tape. I went through the last of my stuff at my parent’s house last week and it was nowhere to be found… I was really, really hoping that I’d find it.

It was probably sold at a garage sale many moons ago. Someone probably bought the tape, took it home, had a little listen… and obviously, fell in love with Eddie Vedder.



3 thoughts on “The Tape

  1. emmabarrett1508 says:

    Slash Gun from Guns and Roses. The one with the top hat. You must know who he is. Caitlin Moran loves him too. Now that’s a man. I like Pearl Jam too – totally understand you and your sisters obsession. They are legends. I need to get a special marriage clause like the one you have with Rhys for if you ever meet Eddie Vedder for Slash. They opened the biggest guitar shop in Europe in Epsom where we live. Slash came to open it and I missed him. Still crying! Emma xx

  2. holdyourhorse says:

    Emma! Thanks for reading. I’ve never heard of Slash Gun. I’m going to have to look them up! My parents were worried about my sister and I… we were (are still) slightly obsessed with Pearl Jam.

  3. emmabarrett1508 says:

    I was a bit like this with Slash Gun at about 12/13. My nan was pretty horrified because all her friends granddaughter’s had posters of Take That or Boyzone. I think she thought I needed a psychiatrist. It’s quite funny looking back now. She didn’t like my Dr Martens either. We always got on well though and still do. Nan was eighty this year. Oh I’m an aunty for the first time. My sister had a little boy in the early hours of Wednesday morning called Alfie. Emmaxx

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