The Balls

In How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying: Lessons From a Life in Comedy (which happens to be a delightful collection of essays about the “business”) comedy writing ledge* Carol Leifer writes: “You lose your balls as you get older.”

Not your marbles or your bone density or your driver’s license or your car keys… (although you also tend to lose all of those)… Balls.

As one ages, one loses one’s balls.

I’m not talking about the spherical ones used for games, or the ones where you get all dressed up in your finest gown and dance and drink champagne.

I do like both of those kinds of balls.

A lot.

In fact, if you’re planning either: a) a baseball game or, b) a formal social function, with champagne… Count me in**.

I digress.

Those kinds of balls are not the ones that I’m referring to.

The balls I’m referring to are the two oval male reproductive glands, where sperm and androgens are produced.

Obviously, I’m referring to these kinds of balls*** metaphorically.

Obviously, Carol Leifer was not talking about losing your testes as you get older (Unless you do?!?! To be honest, I don’t really know how that all works)… Carol was talking about losing your metaphorical balls as you get older.

If you have metaphorical balls, you’re fearless. You have courage. You take risks. You’re bold! (If you have non-metaphorical balls… you were just born a man.)

When I was in my 20s, I had huge metaphorical balls… and I wasn’t afraid of failure. I had confidence. A lot… (possibly too much)… The kind of confidence that comes after a few Apple Martinis and the belief that “Frodo” (Elijah Wood) wants to hear all about your parent’s llama farm in Northern British Columbia.

Now, in my 30s, my metaphorical balls are slightly smaller… I’m a little bit afraid of failure, and I’m definitely a little less ballsy. 

BUT… I have way, way more: drive, determination, experience, resolution, hope, wisdom and laugh lines.

Hopefully that levels the “playing field”… (where one plays with balls******).

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

* When I say “ledge” I don’t mean a shelf, I mean “legend”. I’ve just gone and shortened the word because that’s what the kids are doing these dayz****

** +1.

*** Testes, gonads, nuts, “family jewels”*****

**** Also, the kids are doing that

***** Slang, for male genitals (not: your mother’s pearls)

****** Just the spherical ones used for games… hopefully



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