The Present

I like gifts, presents, etc.

(If you were wondering.)

If you were debating between donating to a charitable cause (ie. humanitarian, philanthropic) in my name, OR buying me a large, thoughtful, expensive present… wrapped in fun paper with a well-crafted bow… debate no more.

I’ll take the gift.

(Please and thank you.)

When I was about eight or nine years old, my parents got me a particularly original, thoughtful, expensive Christmas present… a big sack of money.

No, my parents hadn’t robbed a bank! They are fine, upstanding citizens who abide by the Canadian legal system. They went to a bank and got 100 loonies, and then put them in an old, burlap money sack and then put that sack under the Christmas tree.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term “loonie”… I don’t mean these:


I mean these:


Canada’s one dollar coin.

(So you can stop with your petitions and boycotts of Stan and Linda! They would never hurt a fly – let alone stuff aquatic birds into an old, burlap money sack!) (Actually, that’s not entirely true. They have both definitely hurt flies… Killed them even.)

I digress (what else is new?).

I remember opening the burlap sack and fully expecting to find coal (I was a naughty child), so when I saw those 100 loonies, I was very excited. My parents then told me that the next day they would take me to Toys R’ Us, and that I could buy whatever I wanted with my burlap sack of money!

Stan and Linda certainly earned my love that day!

In case you’re wondering: I bought a Cabbage Patch Doll with my sack of money.

I think it’s pretty obvious: My love language is presents.

Apparently… according to author and self-professed “relationship expert” Gary Chapman, we all speak different love languages… with regard to love.

As in, how we give and receive love.

(No, not just through intercourse.) (Yes, I was surprised too.)

There are five love languages:

  1. Word of Affirmation – saying that they are great, nice, good-looking, etc.
  1. Acts of Service – bringing them a cup of tea, bringing them a cookie, etc.
  1. Receiving Gifts – buying them something thoughtful, expensive, etc.
  1. Quality Time – spending time with them, watching TV beside them, etc.
  1. Physical Touch – patting them on the back when they have a cough, etc.

First you must determine your love language…

If my in-depth description wasn’t enough, here is an online quiz to help you determine yours.

Something to keep in mind: Other people may not speak the same language as you… They may only speak French or Portuguese. This is an important thing to keep in mind because you don’t want to be that a$$hole who shows up in Paris not knowing how to say hello, good-bye and thank you in French.

(Bonjour, Au Revoir, Merci.)

Just as some people may not speak the same language as you… some people may not speak the same love language as you.

For instance (and in case you forgot) my love language is presents. I like receiving presents. I also like giving presents (though much, much less).

Some people aren’t bothered with receiving presents. They prefer to be told that they are great, nice, good-looking, etc.

Some people don’t like cilantro. Different people… different preferences.

I like presents.

Hint, hint.

Also: Christmas is 98 days away.

Hint, hint.



Some people say, “there is no time like the present”. I think what they actually mean is, “there is no present like the time”. Which means they prefer to receive a wristwatch or timepiece.


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