The Mindy Lanka

Once upon a time there was a woman named Mindy Lanka.

Before we move on, I should mention… this is a true story!

Most of my stories are based on a true story, circumstance or incident. However, sometimes (96% of the time) I use my creative license to amuse and satisfy my clever, discerning, and attractive (!) audience (that’s you).

This one is completely accurate, with actual, factual information.

Back to the true story about Mindy Lanka

Okay, so her name isn’t actually Mindy Lanka, but to protect the identity of this woman, I will refer to her as Mindy Lanka. If I used her real name, you’d know who she was, and then it would be awkward when you saw her at the supermarket.

I happen to know this woman very well. Very well (extremely well). I also happen to know this woman’s husband and her daughter very well. I have known this woman my entire life (and also: the nine months previous).

But, as I said (and I’m saying again), I will not be revealing this woman’s identity. I will respect her right to remain anonymous.

Anyway, the year was 1975 and Mindy Lanka and her husband Yelnats (I am also protecting this individual’s identity, as per his wishes) were debating whether to expand their family.

Mindy Lanka and Yelnats had been married about five years when they started to feel that yearning. They both felt that they had lots of love to give, and that they would make great parents…

To a dog.

To be clear, Mindy Lanka and Yelnats had already conceived and produced a child, and that had turned out to be a bit of a letdown. The child was no “Man’s best friend” and could hardly manage to fetch the newspaper from the front step, not to mention the child’s inability to catch a Frisbee in her teeth (she had no teeth).

Mindy Lanka and Yelnats were feeling slightly disillusioned with the whole experience… Caring for the child had proved to be challenging. The child required regular feedings, diaper changes, supervision and fresh air.

They hadn’t signed up for this!

(I should note, that while no formal documentation was signed… they did decide to have sexual intercourse – and between Mindy Lanka’s thickened uterus and Yelnats’ capable sperm – the likelihood of impregnation was high.)

With all of that in mind… On a windy, autumn day (it was actually a humid summer’s day, but once again, I’ve taken creative license), Mindy Lanka and Yelnats went to the animal shelter and picked out a dog.

When they brought that dog home, they were over the moon (when I say over the moon, I don’t literally mean “over the moon”. Mindy Lanka and Yelnats were not astronauts. Mindy Lanka worked part-time at Sears and Yelnats was a carpenter).

They finally felt that their family was complete… Almost.

Four years later, Mindy Lanka gave birth to yet another child. This one was worse than the other one.

They had really hoped to get another dog (or a parakeet!), but the two children took up most of their free time and resources.

Alas, a complete happy family was not to be for Mrs. Mindy Lanka.

+++

Three decades later I asked Mindy Lanka and Yelnats if they would do it all again if they could…

“No.”

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