I don’t know if you believe in God… But I do.
God has repeatedly saved me from getting what I wanted, or thought that I wanted – more specifically, guys that I thought I wanted to marry (see last week’s post about almost getting married at 18).
In my teens and early twenties, I met a lot of men (as you do), and I developed very strong feelings for many of them (as you do), and sometimes it was reciprocated, and sometimes it wasn’t.
When it was not reciprocated, I’d be really, really sad… I’d sit in my room listening to sad music, and I’d wonder what was wrong with me, and I’d tell myself this was definitely the guy and I’d never forget him, and most of the time (within a week or so) I’d forget him.
And: I feel happy about that now (thankful even) because I did not get what I wanted, or what I thought I wanted.
Imagine if I had gotten what I wanted when I was 15…
I’d be living in a trailer down by the river with way too many kids and my boyfriend of twenty years (he has a “fear of commitment”) would be too busy working on trucks and smoking cigarettes in his “man cave” to notice that I’m high on prescription drugs most of the time. I’d spend my days staring at the stippled ceiling, wishing that I went off to college, and travelled the world, and met new people, and learned another language, and wasn’t stuck making chilli on a tiny, trailer-sized hot plate every night.
I think I dodged a bullet there.
Sometimes it’s much, much better to not get what you want (or what you thought you wanted).
So, thanks God (and also: thanks to my Mom and Dad, whose combined genetic code meant that I was definitely not the most popular/attractive/fashionable girl in the world, or in the immediate vicinity*, and was therefore not subject to a lot of reciprocated strong feelings).
(Sorry Eddie Vedder, I’m sure you’re a really great guy, but what with all the touring and practicing and late nights and being a rock star, and me being fifteen years younger than you and enjoying quiet nights at home, I’m not sure that it would have ever worked out for us…)
* If you know my parents, you know that they are both incredibly good-looking, but their combined genetic code did not produce similar results.
I’m of the opinion that when two really good-looking people reproduce, they often achieve disappointing results (ie. a plain or homely child). Whereas, when two hideously ugly people (or: one hideous beast and one average-looking person) reproduce it often results in a good-looking child.