The Whole Getting Older Thing

It’s my birthday this week (specifically, tomorrow – if you feel so inclined to send a card or a gift or an Edible Arrangement), but to be honest – I’m not at all excited about it.

I don’t like the idea of getting older… No one does*.

And birthday parties… Don’t get me started! (Okay, now that I’ve started, I really do have to finish.)

When you are a kid, birthday parties are the best. A party just for you, with all of your friends and loads of presents and games and Beetlejuice and a cake with a filling and frosting of your choosing.

When you are an adult, birthday parties are lame. An awkward social gathering at the Olive Garden where the focus is sort of on you but not really, with some of your co-workers and their weird, quiet spouses that you’ve never met previously and were obviously forced to be there, with no presents and one piece of dry-ass cake brought to your table with ten forks “courtesy of the restaurant”, and you’re sure that Cassandra had a cold sore last week so you’re not going anywhere near it. Lame.

I’m not having a birthday party this year. I refuse to celebrate getting older, which includes (but is not limited to): being called ma’am, the need for facial serums, and getting a hangover after a single glass of wine.

Getting older also means that you are getting closer to death, and the last time I checked, death is not a good thing… Sadly, life is not a Benjamin Button type situation where you get younger and shorter.

Okay, yes… As you get older, you get wiser, and stronger, and sexier, and more confident, and more courageous, and more focused, and more passionate, and you have a deeper sense of purpose and a wealth of life experiences… You know what’s what, and what’s real and who’s real, and what’s going on, and where you want to be, and who you want to be there with…

So yes, there’s all of that.

Maybe getting older isn’t so bad.

Maybe people should just live their best lives (thanks Oprah)…

Maybe we all should reject society’s obsession with age and value an individual based on their kindness, goodness, and overall character…

Maybe we all should forget about serums and focus on being awesome…

Maybe I should buy a cake with a filling and frosting of my choosing…



Speaking of older, wiser, sexier… it’s Paul McCartney rocking a mullet.


* Except for kids that are 5 years old and want to get older and subsequently taller so they can go on specific rides with height restrictions.


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