The Memo

So, last week I went to Utah.

Utah is… (How shall I say this delicately?)

Utah is an interesting state in that… It’s not very interesting. On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the least interesting, and 10 obviously being the most interesting)… Utah is a 0.5.

Meaning, it doesn’t have a lot going on. It has, in fact, very little going on… At all times (days, evenings, weekends, etc.).

I was also surprised* to see so many women with short, spiky dyed blonde hair… a la Kate Gosselin.

You know… This gal:  images

You know that idiom; he (or she) “didn’t get the memo”? It means that he (or she) wasn’t informed about something that is considered common knowledge by everyone else on God’s green earth.

Yeah, I don’t think Utah got the memo.

About a lot of things… birth control, alcohol, caffeine, up-to-date hairstyles, ethnic diversity, and having just one wife or husband, etc.

As Oprah would say… These are good things.

I don’t understand why the majority of Utahans don’t like these things.

Birth control? It’s great. You can have one (or none!) children, and enjoy (or endure) sexual intercourse as often as you like.

Alcohol? Come on! Do I even have to explain this one? It’s basically the best thing ever, plus it’s a social lubricant and a beverage that dulls (but never erases…) the pain of past regrets. Can water or orange juice do that? No.

Caffeine? How else does one make it through a day of work? Seriously.

Up-to-date hairstyles? Perhaps I shouldn’t be the one to comment on this as I’ve rocked the “Hilary Clinton bob” since 2004.

Ethnic diversity? Who wants to just look at a bunch of white people all day? Not me! And, who doesn’t like Mexican food… specifically, guacamole? Well, guacamole wouldn’t exist without ethnic diversity… just sayin’.

Having just one husband? It works for most people. Cleaning up after more than one man seems like it should be considered a punishment for a heinous, hateful crime.

(Okay, now that I’ve had some time to think this one over, I’m not entirely opposed to the whole “having more than one husband” thing… I’ve always had somewhat of a “crush” on Pearl Jam’s lead singer Eddie Vedder, but I’m also extremely committed to my husband of nearly nine years. If I could marry them BOTH… I could maintain my wonderful relationship with my husband, whilst occasionally making out with Ed Ved. My husbands would have separate rooms – or, better yet – wings of the house, and I could choose who I wanted to sleep with each night. We would obviously hire a housekeeper to help with the extra chores, and to free up more time for “cuddling”. This actually sounds pretty good to me. I’m going to run it past my current husband tonight. Fingers crossed!)

So, Utah… you may have not have gotten the memo, and you may be super boring… but I think you might be onto something with the extra husbands… So, thank you.


* I wasn’t that surprised.


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