The Interview

In case you missed it (I know you didn’t miss it, because I’ve been posting about it incessantly), I was recently named one of Austin Film Festival’s 25 Screenwriters To Watch in 2024 in MovieMaker Magazine. I was interviewed!

And here’s what I said:

How did you break in or get your start in screenwriting?

About twenty years ago I was reading scripts for a Vancouver producer and he had me read Juno by Diablo Cody. It had a two-fold impact on me: I felt really inspired, and I also felt like I was never going to write something that good. I kind of put writing to the side for a few years and got a “real” job, but every time I watched a great movie or TV show, I knew that I should pursue it. I moved to England to do a Master’s Degree in Screenwriting, and I know people have mixed feelings about higher education in the arts – but for me, it was a way of prioritizing screenwriting. I was paying ridiculous amounts of money for a piece of paper, so I might as well give it my all.

What are some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned?

Celebrate all of the little wins along the way. This career path can be hard when you don’t see immediate results, but make sure to acknowledge your achievements. Finishing a draft or placing in a competition are victories. I keep a bottle of champagne in my fridge, ready to pop when I get some good news. I think seeing it in there when I grab milk for my morning coffee might help manifest something?

What’s the hardest scene or project you’ve ever had to write? How did you navigate that challenge?

I have been working on a new half-hour comedy pilot with mental health themes and I am drawing from my own experiences. I call it a “traumedy” because it’s comedy and trauma in equal measure. I have found the process hard at times, but also therapeutic. I recently learned that writing about difficult experiences can help process the emotions and promote post-traumatic growth, which is the ability to find meaning in the experience and make positive changes. I also think knowing that someone might connect with my story helps me push through any uncomfortable feelings. I really want people to feel seen and understood.

What was a major turning point in your career?

When I got into the RespectAbility Entertainment Lab in 2022 it was a turning point because it was the boost of encouragement and support that I needed. The lab had great programming and it also helped fill in a lot of the knowledge gaps about the industry. After the lab, I formed a writing group with some of the other participants and I think having the support of a great group of people has spurred all of us on in our careers.

What are you working on right now?

I am developing my pilot Debra (AFF Comedy Teleplay Pilot Semifinalist) and I am working on the aforementioned “traumedy” about my fear of flying. I am also re-writing a period family feature.

What are some of your favorite movies?

My first favourite movie as a kid was Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and I still watch it every time I’m sick so I feel like I’ve gone on an adventure. I also watch Home Alone every Christmas season. It’s the perfect movie: heart, humor, and Catherine O’Hara. Growing up, I loved adventure movies and watching Star Wars and Indiana Jones were formative for me. The movie that made me want to make movies was The Royal Tenenbaums. I remember leaving the theatre in awe because it was so stunning visually and the story was so affecting. I felt so many feelings! If I may add my favourite TV shows… Portlandia, Facejacker, Curb Your Enthusiasm, What We Do in the Shadows, Fleabag, Last Man on Earth, Seinfeld, and Cunk on Earth.

Who are some of your favorite screenwriters?

In terms of TV writing, Larry David is right up there. I’ve been reading about the history of Seinfeld and it sounds like they were very much out of their depth, but somehow managed to write the most successful sitcom of all time. Larry David truly has a beautiful mind. I also remember seeing Carol Leifer’s name in the credits of Seinfeld and thinking how cool it was that a woman was holding her own, and writing some of the best episodes of the series (The Hamptons). Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Emily Spivey, and Paula Pell have always been huge inspirations to me since their SNL days, and beyond. I also really love Greg Daniels. I read a great book (The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s by Andy Greene) about the making of The Office, and it’s clear that Greg Daniels always put the heart first – he wanted people to connect with the characters, and they really did. I read it while I was making the proof of concept for my TV series Debra and it really inspired me in terms of the environment I wanted to create for the cast and crew because I think it comes through on screen. At the end of the shoot everyone said it was the best set they had ever been on – and I’m sure it wasn’t just because I asked them repeatedly and stared at them until they said yes.

In terms of movies, I have only recently realized (after rewatching Star Wars) that George Lucas should win all of the awards. Every year, he should be given several more awards. The world, stories and characters he created have sparked so many imaginations. It’s incredible. In terms of rom-coms, nobody did it better than Nora Ephron (although IMO, I don’t think that Sally would have faked an orgasm in a New York deli). In terms of comedy, lately I have found a new appreciation for Judd Apatow. I am reading his book, Sick in the Head and it’s really surprising me. He is so honest and vulnerable, and I can relate to so many of the things he has experienced in terms of mental health and generational trauma. Now, I look at his stuff differently. I have a soft spot for John Hughes and the coming of age stories that helped me come of age. In terms of stories that are wildly original and unforgettable, it’s Wes Anderson.

Share a memorable experience sparked from Austin Film Festival.

I was not able to attend the festival this year because it was the same week as my shoot! I was so sad because the festival was offering special events for Semifinalists and many of my friends attended. I had major FOMO. I will definitely be there this year.

What are you looking forward to in 2024?

I just graduated from the Canadian Film Centre’s Norman Jewison Film Program which is an incubator for Canadian creators. I was in the Writers’ Lab, where I developed a feature and a TV series. There were four Writers, five Producers, four Editors, and five Directors in the program – and even though we are all so diverse and we all work in different genres, we all support each other and want to find ways to continue to work together. I’m hoping that happens in 2024. I think we might create a new genre?

How have you been spending your time since AFF?

I have been in an absorption mode: reading a lot about writing and watching a lot of movies and TV – especially pilots.

Any new news? (Include a link so we can share!)

At the Canadian Film Centre I created a proof of concept for my comedy series Debra, which is about a middle-aged mermaid trying to get back up on her tail (but it’s really about wanting to belong). The short stars Juno Rinaldi (Workin’ Moms), who absolutely nailed the title character, and it was directed by Dani Kind (Workin’ Moms), who was such a supportive collaborator. Dani brought on her friend Stuart Campbell (The Handmaid’s Tale) as the Director of Photography, and he immediately got what we were doing and it was incredible to have what was in my head on screen, exactly as I pictured it.

If people would like to watch it, here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1x8uhGvtxlA

How has being part of the Austin Film Festival Community helped spark your storytelling journey or career?

I am so grateful for the AFF Community. There has been so much support and encouragement from the AFF programming staff. It was a career highlight to have my comedy series Debra included in the Producer’s book. In the past few weeks, I have had quite a few producers reach out and I’m having some great meetings. I am feeling really optimistic and excited about what’s next.

The Watched

In case you missed it, this week I was named one of 25 Screenwriters To Watch by The Austin Film Festival – but it had nothing to do with my writing prowess – I was chosen for the list because I am really interesting to watch.

And yes, it was surprising that the Austin Film Festival – an organization focused on furthering the art and craft of storytelling and championing the work of writers – chose me as someone to watch, but word gets around, doesn’t it?

First of all, I have a really open, welcoming face. Most days a random stranger stops me and tells me they know me (they don’t), so there’s that.

Then there are my reactions – they’re big. One time I went to see Jerry Seinfeld perform stand-up and I looked down and noticed that I was slapping my knee with laughter. I’m a knee-slapper. I guffaw at jokes (good ones), I cry when I see someone else cry, and I can’t stop myself from dancing when The Venegaboys “We like to Party” comes on (because I really do like to party).

More than once (at least 600 times), I have turned to find my husband staring at me in disbelief.

I also like to regularly lead people in games of “Copy Cat” where I insist they follow every my movement – requiring them to watch me.

All this to say, I am definitely someone to watch, and I just happen to be a screenwriter. I could have easily been on a list of “Cool, Fun Moms To Watch”, “Sassy Middle-Aged Women To Watch”, or “Sassy Wives To Watch.”

Take a gander. Look, observe, regard, see, stare, and view. Check me out!

If you would like to read my interview with the Austin Film Festival – which happens to be about writing – here’s the link (click the profile pic for my interview): https://austinfilmfestival.com/screenwriters-to-watch-2024/

The Test

Sometimes I like to test my husband.

Testing is a normal, healthy, and totally reasonable part of any relationship, FYI. It is “a procedure intended to establish the quality, performance, or reliability of something, especially before it is taken into widespread use.”

There is no other way (that I can think of) to evaluate your partner than to test their response and reaction to everyday interactions. It is only through these “tests” that you can determine if they still love you and want to “go all the way” (’til death).

When I talk about “testing” I want to be clear… There is no* blood, stool or semen involved.

The tests I’m referring to involve the following:

• analysis
• assessment
• evaluation
• experiment
• inquiry
• inspection
• investigation
• trial

Sure, it sounds vigorous and intense – and it is – but, as we all know fruit only gives juice when it is squeezed.

One example of the testing that I practice is putting a glass of water in front of the alarm clock to see if my husband will get mad.

Every night before bed I bring a glass of water upstairs and put it on the dresser (in case I get thirsty**). Some nights I accidentally put the glass in front of the alarm clock, thereby obstructing the digits and making the time indecipherable, and some nights I do it on purpose.

My husband has asked me multiple times (no fewer than 75 times) not to leave a water glass in front of the alarm clock, so that he can read the time at his convenience. I listened; I heard; and I understood… And then I decided to do it again anyway.

Everyone knows that it is really important to have fun in a relationship, and “fun” could be had through various activities: ice skating, dancing, laser tag, pranks, skydiving, cooking, hiding important documents, or running gags.

The glass obstructing the alarm clock has become one of our fun little running gags – that is also a serious test of our relationship.

Some nights he just moves the glass. Some nights he asks me to move the glass, and some nights I do, and some nights I move the glass back when he’s not looking. Some nights I put the glass on my night stand instead of the dresser (to keep him on his toes), and some nights I don’t even have a glass of water – and that is another test: to see if he will bring me a glass of water.

Some nights he looks annoyed, and some nights he laughs. Some nights he says, “Okay, seriously, it’s not as funny as you think it is” and sometimes he threatens to retaliate.

My husband’s reaction to me putting the glass in front of the alarm clock tells me everything I need to know about our relationship.

I suggest that you find your own way of testing and let the results speak for themselves.

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* Very little

** Not eager or desperate; feeling the need to drink something.

The Marriage

My husband and I currently watching Love is Blind on Netflix. It is NOT because we love love – it is because we love comedy and we never laugh harder than when we watch Love is Blind.

No, it’s not a comedy. It is reality. (For whom? We do not know.)

If you are not familiar with the series, Love is Blind is a “social experiment where single men and women look for love and get engaged, all before meeting in person.” The singles (aged 25-35, because obviously single women over 35 are unloveable) enter soundproofed “pods” where they are not able to see each other, and must rely solely on their communication to establish a connection. Over ten days, many of them form relationships and a handful of the participants get engaged, without ever having seen each other. They are then whisked off for a tropical vacation, where they determine if the physical attraction matches their initial connection.

In the first few episodes, the participants are tasked with getting to know each other in the pods. The conversations usually touch on past relationships and what they are looking for in a romantic partner. Many (many!!!) of the participants wax poetic about the future they envision: “I imagine the two of us growing old, sitting on the porch in our rocking chairs…” “Picture it: Christmas morning with the fireplace and the tree and a couple of kids.” “I see us in a cute little house with a white picket fence.” 

They are saying these things to people they met two hours ago.

It feels like they are living in an alternate reality.

Have they ever met people who are married? Have they ever met a husband and/or wife? What exactly are these people basing their assumptions on?

The participants have all come into the social experiment claiming to be ready for “marriage” – but it is very clear that these people have no idea what marriage actually is, and that they will be extremely unprepared for what awaits them… And I’m not just talking about asymmetrical faces and fatties*.

(*I can use this term because I have a BMI of 30+.)

These people are NOT saying, “I envision walking into the bathroom after you and the sink is full of your beard hair AND pubes.” Or, “I want to walk into a room and have it smell like farts.” Or, this one: “Picture it: I am woken in the night because of the sound AND smell of your farts.” 

Now, I’m not saying marriage is ALL farts – but it’s a lot of farts.

Let me put it this way, if you don’t like the smell of farts, I wouldn’t get married.

I have been married for almost 18 years (I realize that transition makes it sound like I like the smell of farts. I most certainly do not. I only knew about the farts after I got married, and now I’m committed), and I love my husband. I do. He’s a wonderful man with many wonderful qualities. 99% of the time I am really happy that I said yes to our betrothal and can look past things like him not buying the right kind of toilet paper, eating the entire bag of mini peanut butter cups (and not even offering me one), and burping when we have sex. The other 1% of the time I curse him and his ancient lineage.

People like to say that marriage is hard work, and they are right. It’s very hard work. Like, the hardest. It’s like being a stonemason, brickmason or block mason (I looked it up and these are officially the hardest jobs), but harder, and with less (no) money.

All this to say, it would be good (and help the census in terms of divorce statistics), if more people were more honest about the reality of marriage. It is a big commitment – especially if you don’t like the person and/or their face. (I highly suggest looking at someone’s face before getting engaged and/or married to them.)

Marriage is no walk in the park, or walk on the beach, or walk anywhere really. It’s like a marathon, but longer and there are more tears.

(Man, I am nailing it with these similes.)

I’m no expert (wait – maybe I am???), but I think the keys to a successful marriage are as follows:

• Make sure you like the person.
• Make sure you like their face.
• Make sure you have realistic expectations about humans.
• Make sure you don’t get engaged on a Netflix reality TV series.

That’s pretty much it.

God bless.

Debra

I recently graduated from the Canadian Film Centre’s Norman Jewison Film Program Writers’ Lab, where I developed a feature and a TV series. I also had the opportunity to produce a proof of concept for my half-hour comedy series, DEBRA.

Logline: After her ex leaves her high and dry, middle-aged mermaid tries to get back up on her tail, with a documentary crew in tow.

Have a watch!

Thank you to this incredibly talented cast and crew: 

Writer: me!
Director: @danikindofficial
Editor: @teddyhuzz
DOP: @stuartcampbell
Producer: @lee.marsh.all
1st AD: @awhealy.jpg
2nd AD: @cynthia.jimenez.hicks
1st AC: @vivianjxavierdp
2nd AC: @ilsemour
BTS: @fjuriansz
DMT: @punintended92
Grip: @robertolambrano
Key grip: Patrick Vogel 
Production designers: @sarahnicolelang @22dgomez @marion_clairet_rodriguez and Anatha Venkataram
Wardrobe Supervisor: @pretty.ugly.gorgeous
Tail handler: @mermaid_jacy@oceanmermaidpaige
Make-up Supervisor: @larissathemakeupartist
PAs: Jordi Jones, Sean Ozal, Silvio Passaro 

Debra: Juno Rinaldi
Nick: Miguel Rivas
Jen: Cassie Cao

Original music by Lydia Ainsworth

Special thanks to the Canadian Film Centre and my mentors Dev Singh, Erin Burke, Karen Walton, Joanne Sarazen, Al Magee, Susan Alexander, Lauren Grant, and Kathryn Emslie.

The Assignment

I am currently at the Canadian Film Centre in the Norman Jewison Film Program Writer's Lab, where I am developing a feature and a TV series. As part of our studies, we were asked to "deconstruct" a TV series. I chose AFTER LIFE, a series created Ricky Gervais. What follows is my presentation on the series... Please enjoy.

I need to preface all of this by saying that I watched the first season of After Life three years ago, right as my friend Lisa was dying of ovarian cancer. The main character in After Life is Tony (played by Ricky Gervais). In the series, Tony’s wife has just passed away, and her name is also Lisa. So when I watched it, I had a lot of feelings. It was also 2020, so there was that “whole thing.”

A side note: I have long enjoyed Ricky Gervais and his sense of humour. It’s dry, and British, and often surprises me. And I understand that sometimes he is poking fun at how people react to things, and not poking fun at the actual thing. I get it. I think The Office (UK) was a work of genius, and I also very much enjoyed Extras and Episodes (though Derek was a miss, IMO). Ricky Gervais now has free rein to make whatever show he wants and people will watch it.

To be clear, I’m not saying that is a good thing.

Now, three years later, I rewatched After Life for this assignment and I had a very different experience, because my world view and perspective shifted. I have changed. I’m a different person now.

For those not in “the know”, After Life is a half-hour dramatic comedy about Tony, who has recently lost the love of his life and is going through the grieving process – made harder by the fact that she has left him many, many videos with her advice on how to move on.

Tony’s world has been shaken, and he now believes that life is meaningless and he plans to end his life when it all becomes too much. In the meantime, Tony is going to to say whatever he thinks, even if it hurts people’s feelings – because he doesn’t care! He’s hurting, and he wants other people to hurt, too… Classic! Tony decides to spend the rest of his life punishing the world for his wife’s death – which is not the world’s fault!!!!

Tony works as a reporter at a newspaper called The Tambury Gazette, with a cast of quirky characters (are there any other kind?)! Tony’s work colleagues do bring some comic relief (which is a relief), as the show can feel very heavy. The relationship between Tony and his co-workers is not equal, or particularly friendly. Tony annoys them, teases them, picks on them, and basically punches down – which is also what Ricky Gervais tends to do! BURN.

The morality of the show often shines through in the fact that these characters don’t fight back. When Tony is rude, they understand that he is going through a hard time and they offer kindness.

In the first season, each After Life episode follows a similar journey: Tony goes into the office, and hangs out with his quirky co-workers (did I mention that they are quirky?).

Then, he goes to visit his elderly father who has dementia and lives in an assisted living facility… Tony complains the entire time, but he goes (like me, at the dentist).

And on his way home, Tony stops by the graveyard to look very solemn and sad.

Then Tony goes home to get drunk and watch the videos that Lisa left him. In my opinion, Lisa did not do him any favours with these videos!!!!

Let’s be honest, it’s kind of a dick move to leave a bunch of videos that you know that your husband will obsess over, and he’ll probably never be able to move on to a new relationship… But, you do you, Lisa! (Though I will say that the videos are high-quality and full of decent advice such as, “open the curtains everyday.”)

We are told (in no uncertain terms), through random interactions with strangers, co-workers, and in his therapy sessions, that Tony is bitter and hostile and that he has no reason to care about anyone or anything…

But! Then we also see Tony be extremely generous and kind to his co-workers, his dad, and his dog. Spoiler alert: Tony gets an insurance payout from Lisa’s death and gives most of the money to a children’s hospital. He is multi-faceted!!!!!

Something that I realized upon this viewing is that the premise, story points and dialogue are all very obvious and UN-subtle. You do not have to go searching for the meaning or themes because they are right there in front of you.

All signs point to GRIEF!

Right then.

There are many, many observable sadness clichés. One such instance is when Tony is at his therapy appointment and says, “A good day is when I don’t want to go around wanting to shoot random strangers in the face, and then turn the gun on myself.” His therapist replies, “Bad then?”

Tony wears grey sweatpants, regularly stares off into the horizon, stands in front of a sink full of dishes and/or an empty pantry, and eats vegetable curry straight from the can… All while moping around like Charlie Brown.

Is there such a thing, Charles?

WE GET IT! Tony is sad. Very, very sad.

So, Ricky Gervais does NOT do the “don’t show, tell” thing (yes, that was a double negative)… He does the opposite, which is known as “the tell AND the show”. If you were looking for subtlety, look elsewhere! (At me???)

I think when I first watched After Life three years ago, I was looking for easy answers to some very complex questions that I wasn’t able to understand or process myself. While I could not relate to After Life‘s depiction of grief and sadness (because my experience was wayyyyyyy more nuanced), I could recognize it.

And now a turkey slice of compliment in the sandwich of (mostly) critique… After Life is getting us to talk about grief, depression, and death. No one wants to talk about death and dying, even though it’s a normal part of being human. Because FYI – we are just bodies, blood, and bones walking around, and our hearts could stop at any moment. The only thing that IS for sure… is death. You, and everyone you know, will be dead one day.

Oops. That got very dark… Let’s make it light again!!!

Because after all, After Life is a considered a dramatic comedy. I guess the drama is the sad bit, and the comedy bit comes from making jokes about death, grief, and mental health???

Tony is hurting, and he wants to hurt other people. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE! He also wants to protect himself, so he pushes everyone away by being an a-hole. Because love = pain.

We all do it. And yes, it does seem counterintuitive to distance ourselves from people when we actually need support – but, we do it because our brains are hard-wired to protect us. This is textbook psychology 101. It’s a natural defence mechanism to keep us from getting physically and emotionally hurt (and if we don’t recognize it, it will ruin all of our relationships… no big deal).

Tony SAYS that he doesn’t care and that he wants to kill himself, BUT he actually DOES care and he does NOT want to die. He wants to live, dammit! And, as much as Tony is unpleasant, everyone loves him and cares about him, too!

CAN YOU SAY IRONY?

Spoiler alert… Tony’s transformation comes when he is at therapy and learns that his boss-slash-brother-in-law is also having mental health issues, and also struggling with the loss of Lisa, who was his sister! WAIT! Other people also have problems?!???? Apparently this is new information for Tony!

I guess he never saw the many t-shirts, mugs, plaques, hats, magnets, drink cozies, bumper stickers and other paraphernalia with the Plato quote: Be Kind, For Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle.

When I watched After Life three years ago I enjoyed the series, because it was exploring grief and mental health in a way that did not immediately read as comedy. But, now that I’m older/wiser (but still look very youthful), I don’t think Ricky G is offering us any HOT TAKES. (FYI – a “HOT TAKE” is a strongly worded, and sometimes deliberately provocative or sensational opinion).

In fact, he’s kind of offering the opposite of a hot take… A COLD GIVE?

After Life pretty much reduces grief and depression to not wanting to live anymore, which is one way to play it… It also reduces mental health issues to moping around, wearing jogging pants, staring into the abyss, and drinking a lot of wine. And while that can certainly be accurate (for me), grief and depression are a lot more complicated than that… When I went through my depression – brought on by the anxiety of the pandemic, not taking care of my body and brain, grief from losing my best friend, parenting a small child with no support, dysfunctional family relationships, you name it – I still found many moments of joy and humour. Sometimes I even put on jeans.

And, the silver lining of that experience was that my empathy and compassion for others grew. It’s not so black and white – it’s shades of grey… (not 50).

In After Life, Ricky Gervais uses grief and depression as an excuse for the character’s bad behavior, and follows the worn-out trope of badly-behaved men being broken and in need of fixing. But, I don’t think being sad makes you unpleasant. In fact, it might be the opposite. Being sad makes you very self-aware and you end up trying to make everyone around you feel okay, and/or end up retreating so that you don’t burden anyone else.

In an interview about After Life and the mental health themes, Ricky Gervais said that, “he doesn’t suffer from the depression that plagues his character, saying: ‘I think I’m pretty happy, [and] I try to be fun all the time’.”

Wonderful… For him.

I cannot say the same, Ricky.

Ricky Gervais has never experienced a mental health crisis (which makes him an anomaly), and yet – he wrote all of the episodes. And that – my friend (or relative) – is the huge disconnect in the series. Ricky G has not had the lived experience of mental health issues, so he relied on overused clichés and outdated stereotypes. He should have hired a writer with these lived experiences!

And if this is a sandwich of (mostly) critique… I will say that the dialogue is a welcome pickle spear. It is natural and easy, and that has always been Ricky G’s expertise. He’s indubitably smart (and obviously so am I if I’m using a word like indubitably). But, just because the prose is smart, it does not mean that what is being said is intelligent. There is a difference!

Oh, I almost forgot… it’s set in England. Of course is it. It’s moody. The skies are gray. It’s always raining. There’s also a pub on every corner – because the entire country is dependent on alcohol! That’s the vibe.

This sad, sad story would never work in Los Angeles. The skies are too blue, the people are too beautiful, and there is too much vitamin D.

However, if Tony got on a plane, and flew to California (where the beautiful people are), ate a salad at Tender Greens, and went to Disneyland… Depression? Gone. Dead wife? Dole Whip. It’s the happiest place on earth, so Tony should just go there!

California has Mickey and SSRIs!

British Columnist Emily Baker summed up the series pretty perfectly. She said, “Gervais’s intentions are good, and I admit I shed a few tears, but the almost evangelical proclamations of living life to the fullest were manipulative.” Kinda sorta like this quote:

What’s Lady Crawley doing on Netflix?

Another spoiler: The series ends with Tony walking off into the sunset, and being joined by Lisa! Many viewers (not just me) were confused, and thought that it meant that Tony had chosen to join her on the other side.

What is this? An Art film? Just give us a proper happy ending, Ricky G! The world is a cruel, hate-filled place right now – let us have our laughs!

What did you think of After Life?

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(I should also note that while Tony and Lisa walk off into the sunset, the music playing is Joni Mitchell – Both Sides Now, which is EXTREMELY manipulative, because you cannot NOT cry when you listen to that song. If I wanted to feel manipulated, condescended, demeaned, and treated like a child, I’d go home for Christmas.)

The Two Kinds of People in This World

There are two kinds of people in this world. 

No, I am not talking about men / women – because everyone* knows that gender is bimodal and not binary, and that science has confirmed that gender (and sex) exist on a spectrum, and that the polarization of this spectrum is a socially constructed system, based on conditioning, to simplify traditional gender-related “norms” and ideologies. So, no. Not that.

I am talking about the kinds of people who would, or wouldn’t, eat a Lobster Roll in a Municipal airport.

(So, something a lot less important, but perhaps almost equally controversial?!)

A few weeks ago, I visited Halifax, Nova Scotia on a solo work-related trip and it was truly wonderful, and surprising! Did you know that Halifax is one of the largest and deepest ice-free natural harbours in the world? (Well, it is!) The people – known as Haligonians, or “Bluenoses” – were ridiculously nice (it was unnatural). So many people smiled at me that I wondered if I had forgot to put on a shirt. I went to the Maritime Museum (which was boring AF – but I think I might have learned something?!?!) and saw the many exhibits which mainly consisted of boats and strangely, a parrot. I texted my husband and told him there was a parrot at the museum. He said, “Is the parrot with a patron, or does he work there?” I replied, “He’s not with a patron, but it doesn’t look like he’s getting much work done. Just sitting there really.” (Lazy birds, am I right?) I also visited the city’s famous Citadel, toured the Art Gallery of Nova Scotia, and attended a few shows for the Halifax Comedy Festival. 

Then, it was time to go home.

I arrived to the Halifax Municipal Airport and went directly to Air Canada’s Maple Leaf Lounge, where one can truly feel both very Canadian and very foreign. I poured myself a complementary G&T and scanned the “cold food offerings” behind the sneeze guard. Personally, I’m not a fan of shared food because honestly, people are disgusting (and you and I both know it), and a sneeze guard can only defend against so much sternutation. 

A salad bar with bowls and trays of shredded carrots, sliced beets, cucumbers, onions, whole baby tomatoes, butter packages, cous cous salad, and edamame. There are tongs and spoons in each recepticle. 

Then, I saw it… A tray of room temperature Lobster Roll “sliders” for the taking! 

A tray of room-temperature Lobster Roll “sliders.”

I looked at the tray in horror and disbelief because: 1. Cooked lobster is only good at room temperature for two hours; 2. Municipal Airport Lounges are not known for their fresh seafood preparation; and 3. There was NO sneeze guard protecting against any human fluids. 

I saw numerous (at least five) people excitedly help themselves to a Lobster Roll slider… and then EAT IT!

And I am the other kind of person.

Would you eat a Lobster Roll slider in a Municipal Airport?

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* Okay, not everyone. As Alok Vaid-Menon said, people need to have compassion before “comprehension” – as in, they need to have empathy, even if they don’t understand it. And, as Alok noted: some people are not ready to heal from the ways the gender binary has affected them, “And I don’t think the majority of people are ready to heal, and that’s why they repress us as trans and gender-variant people – because they’ve done this violence to themselves first. They’ve repressed their own femininity. They’ve repressed their own gender noncomformity. They’ve repressed their own ambivalence. They’ve repressed their own creativity.” Having empathy for people and their personal expression doesn’t take anything away from you, or your own gender identity. Just sayin’.

The Human Error

I was recently part of an event where public speaking (and singing) were involved. One of the speakers (who also happened to be a singer) made a “mistake” during their song and they felt bad. Like, really bad. After the performance, they came backstage into the green room and started crying because they felt like they ruined the song (they didn’t*). I asked them if they needed a hug and they said yes, so I gave them a hug (FYI: my hugs always make people stop crying).

For the record: the word “mistake” is wrong here, and it’s wrong in a lot of other places, too.

Because a “mistake” is an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong. The origin is Old Norse (of course is it) from the word, “mistaka” and it means “take in error.” It seems quite harsh in its impropriety, doesn’t it?

I don’t think the word “mistake” is applicable to most human behaviour.

Thought: if a machine with a definite function that has been built for a particular task can make errors, then it should be okay for humans to make errors too.

Just unplug us and then plug us back in. (I think for humans it means throw your phone in the ocean and scream like a primate.)

I am not going to say the person should not feel bad for making this “human error” because they can feel however they want about it. But I really, really hope they didn’t think about it all night, and replay it over and over (and over and over) in their minds until sleep or Calgon took them away.

Because (serious question): Is perfection what we are all striving for here?

I think the answer might be yes, sadly.

I think we all have perfectionist tendencies – a fear of judgment and disapproval from others, and believing that our self-worth is only based on our achievements – which usually comes from early childhood experiences, like having highly critical parents with unrealistically high expectations. (Phew… There is a LOT to unpack there. Google: “Breaking Dysfunctional Generational Cycles in Families” for more information.)

This is not the part in my blog where I post a funny meme about mistakes being happy accidents, like this one:

I am definitely not doing that.

(Shit, I just did.)

Because while the message may be true, I don’t think any of us actually believe it. Even if these words come out of our own mouths, or into our ears, they are not truth to us. The truth is that we all still want to be perfect (which is impossible, for the record).

Here’s what I propose: How about we celebrate other people’s human errors?

With applause, WOOTS, greeting cards, high fives (or fist bumps), pats on the back, dancing a little jig, spiking a football in the end zone, baking a cake, a straightforward “well-done”, CA$H (or a gift card), etc., etc.

Because then! other people will celebrate our human errors too, and it will turn into a whole thing, and it will domino into a new way of seeing human error, which is really just not doing what you expected or planned for, and could actually turn into something great.

I don’t want anyone to feel bad about these kinds of human errors, because then guess what? I would need to feel bad about mine! And I don’t want to! I want people to feel fine about theirs, and then I can feel fine about mine, too.

Let’s all make human errors together!

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* I think it actually made the song more human.

The Thing I’m Doing

I’m doing a thing!

Yesterday I was in The Hollywood Reporter (*ahem* for the second time in two months, NBD) because I was named a Fellow of RespectAbility’s Children’s Content Lab for Disabled TV Creators. It’s a training and mentorship program that aims to increase the presence of talent with disabilities in preschool and children’s TV.

As a writer and mom (of the best kid in the world… “sorry all other kids“), this opportunity means a lot to me. In my own work, I want to break stigmas (both public and self-stigma), promote equity (fairness, justice) and inclusion (accommodating people who have historically been excluded because of their race, gender, sexuality, or ability), and change the narrative around mental health and disability.

As Michelle Obama (perhaps the most quotable woman in the world) said: “It’s about leaving something better for our kids. That’s how we’ve always moved this country forward, by all of us coming together on behalf of our children.”

Last week I was in NEW YORK CITY (the city that literally never sleeps… and I didn’t either!) for workshops, trainings, panel conversations and networking (that word is so cringey, but it really just means becoming BFFs with like-minded creatives). We visited Silvergate Media (now Sony Pictures Entertainment; home of the Octonauts, Creature Cases and Hilda), 9 Story Media Group (Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Karma’s World, Blue’s Clues), and we took a little detour to FAO Schwartz (which was not part of the programming; boomerangs were bought).

If you know me, you know that I have been working in kid’s media for the last decade or so, first writing quizzes for Disney (if you still don’t know Which Finding Nemo Character Are You? it’s time to find out), writing content for ABCmouse (working alongside some of the best humans I have ever met. You know who you are), and working in accessibility at Descriptive Video Works. I have been waiting a very, very long time for an opportunity just like this: to be mentored, workshop my project (a kid’s pilot titled, Life on Mars), share ideas and opportunities with other lab fellows, and connect with others in the disability/accessibility entertainment space! And it’s happening!

As part of the lab’s programming, the fellows participated in a “Disability” conversation, and it was interesting to hear how some people came to identify as being “disabled” or having a disability. For some of us, it came late in life after a diagnosis, or a realization of what having a “disability” actually means, and sometimes, after overcoming our own internalized ableism. “Ableist attitudes are often premised on the view that disability is an “anomaly to normalcy,” rather than an inherent and expected variation in the human condition.”

For a long time, I didn’t know that my diagnosis was considered a disability, and over the past few months I have realized that a lot of people don’t!

26% (1 in 4) of adults in the United States (in Canada it’s 22%, or 1 in 5) have some type of disability. A disability can be a fluctuating or recurring condition (such as rheumatoid arthritis, myalgic encephalitis (ME), chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), fibromyalgia, depression, epilepsy), even if the person is not currently experiencing any adverse effects. A disability can a progressive condition (motor neurone disease, muscular dystrophy, multiple sclerosis); blindness or low vision, sensory impairments, auto-immune conditions, organ specific conditions (asthma, cardiovascular diseases), neurodevelopmental conditions (autistic spectrum disorders (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or mental health conditions (anxiety, panic attacks, phobias; eating disorders; bipolar affective disorders; obsessive compulsive disorders), and more… 1 in 4.

I love this quote from @olas_truth on Instagram: “This disability identity stuff has real-life consequences. The action of more people who fight the stigma by identifying as disabled will benefit all people. We all know you’re sick of pretending to be something you’re not, but it’s costing you more than it’s helping you.”

We all have internalized ableism, as well as prejudices and misconceptions about disability. We must work hard to educate ourselves and break those stigmas. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to work on children’s content with diverse and authentic representation that will change the way we see and value people with disabilities.

Image: screenshot titled, “RespectAbility Children’s Content Lab 2022” with headshots of the 15 lab fellows in a grid.

The Thing That Struck Me

I saw something this week that really struck me. To be clear, I don’t mean that I saw something and then it hit me forcibly and deliberately with a hand, weapon or another implement. I mean that I saw something that was particularly interesting to me. It was an Instagram post that said: “How are people out here living life without medication?” 

And I really do not know. 

I mean, with all the shit going on… climate change, deforestation, air pollution, water pollution, ozone depletion, pandemics, racial injustice, gun violence, world hunger, government corruption, human rights violations, war, and a whole wide range of personal traumas, including grief, stress, relationship issues, etc. etc. etc. (etc. etc. etc.)… How are people coping?

Oh, yeah. They’re not.

People are not okay.

And there are many ways that people self-medicate – with alcohol, food, drugs, sex, and other vices. For a very long time, my self-medication of choice was a glass or two of rosé and a bag of Lay’s® Classic Potato Chips. But at a certain point, I realized that wasn’t working for me.

There is a lot of grief and sadness in our world, and it is completely normal – and rational, and reasonable, and totes compos mentis – to respond with feelings of grief and sadness, or any of the 27 different emotions that humans have. THEY ARE ALL VALID. However, sometimes you are already not feeling great AND THEN all the grief and sadness becomes compounded to the point where it affects you and your ability to enjoy your life.

It’s kind of like when you already have some popcorn, and then you are given more popcorn, and you think that’s probably enough but then someone brings you more popcorn and then you feel sick. It’s just too much popcorn! (Popcorn is obviously a metaphor for all of the terrible shit that is going on in the world. I hate popcorn.)

For a very long time, I was opposed to taking medication because it felt like I would have to admit that things weren’t okay, and that I wasn’t perfect or “strong” (why do we praise people for being strong?). I was also very aware of the stigma around mental health issues and taking medication. “Stigma related to antidepressant use appears to be linked with perceived emotional weakness, severity of illness, an inability to deal with problems, and a lack of belief in the therapeutic efficacy of antidepressants.” In fact, some people avoid seeking treatment for their mental health symptoms for fear of being judged, while others who are diagnosed feel shamed for choosing to take medicine to help manage it. 

Aside from the stigma, I thought that antidepressants would make me feel numb to the highs and lows of life. Thankfully, this has not been my experience! I still feel all of the things, but I have found that medication is a great tool that works for me. And, I am still full of joy (because there are so many wonderful things in this world, and a lot of reasons to feel happy).

As one of my favourite artists Courtney Ahn recently wrote in a recent Instagram post “Medicated + Proud”, “It’s not that these feelings necessarily went anywhere, they’re just a little more quiet, and maybe I’m better equipped to face them too.”

I am aware that medication is not a solution for everyone, and definitely not the only way to treat anxiety, depression or other mental health issues – but it is one tool that can be very helpful for some people. There are other therapeutic tools like mindfulness, meditation, vitamins, counseling, etc. that can also help people, and often work alongside medication. 

Now that I am on medication and understand its benefits in my own life, I hope that I can address and combat the public stigmas and self-stigma (the negative attitudes, including internalized shame about their condition) around mental health and medication, so that people with mental health issues view themselves in a more positive light.

An important note: While many mental health issues are not caused by external circumstances, they can be exacerbated by life and its many challenges, including traumatic events, stress, physical health and other difficult experiences. For example, there is no single cause of depression. It can occur for a variety of reasons and it has many different triggers. Another important note: I am not an authority on mental health. I can only speak to my own experiences.

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I found this great article titled, “It’s Okay If You Need Meds to Be Okay” written by Nyemade Boiwu and I wanted to share this excerpt:

“I have asthma. I use an inhaler because sometimes my lungs need the extra chemicals to help them function properly. No one thinks it’s “weird” or “weak” to use my inhaler. No one suggests that I should struggle through my inability to breathe rather than taking medication that will help. No one has a problem accepting that my lungs need the assistance of medication to work the same way other people’s do naturally. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about my depression and anxiety medication.”

NYEMADE BOIWU